Connecticut International Auto Show, November 15 - 17:A perfect place to browse hundreds of the newest vehicles! It’s a premier showcase of the newest model year imported and domestic vehicles; cars, vans, crossovers, hybrids, light trucks and sport utilities; cars to suit every budget and lifestyle. Factory and dealer representatives are on hand to answer your questions in a no pressure environment, and with your favorite car lines all under one roof, it’s easy to compare prices and features, saving both time and money. So come sit in the cars, pop the hoods, inspect the trunks, and kick the tires. The Connecticut Auto Show is great entertainment for serious shoppers, car buffs and the entire family! Begins at 10:00AM, $6-$14 Earth Expo & Convention Center at Mohegan Sun, 1 Mohegan Sun Blvd. Uncasville, CT
Star Party, November 15:Talk topic is an astro-imaging update. In this talk we discuss the fun and challenges of taking high-quality images of planets, star clusters and galaxies. Images taken by members of the club will be featured at this popular event. After the talk there will be stargazing if the weather permits. Children under 16 must be accompanied by an adult. Dress warmly, as even in the summer it may be chilly. 7:00PM - 8:00PM, FREE (Donations appreciated) White Memorial Conservation Center, 80 Whitehall Rd. Litchfield, CT
Buddy Guy 2019, November 15:At age 82, Buddy Guy is a Rock and Roll Hall of Fame inductee, a major influence on rock titans like Jimi Hendrix, Eric Clapton, and Stevie Ray Vaughan, a pioneer of Chicago’s fabled West Side sound, and a living link to the city’s halcyon days of electric blues. He has received seven Grammy Awards, a 2015 Lifetime Achievement Grammy Award, 34 Blues Music Awards (the most any artist has received), the Billboard Magazine Century Award for distinguished artistic achievement, a Kennedy Center Honor, and the Presidential National Medal of Arts. Rolling Stone magazine ranked him #23 in its “100 Greatest Guitarists of All Time.” The title of Buddy Guy's latest album says it all: The Blues Is Alive and Well. The legendary blues artist's eighteenth solo LP and follow-up to 2015's Born to Play Guitar showcases his raw and unadulterated sound, its fifteen tracks a true pleasure for aficionados and genre newcomers alike. The record is arriving on the heels of a spate of high visibility for the 82-year-old performer: at the 2016 Grammys, he picked up a trophy for “Best Blues Album” honoring Born to Play Guitar, and that same year he hit the road for a U.S. tour opening for Jeff Beck. A truly restless and energetic performer, The Blues Is Alive and Well is the latest triumph in an already-legendary career. Among the contributors to fifteen tracks on The Blues Is Alive and Well: young gun James Bay, as well as Jeff Beck, Keith Richards and Mick Jagger. 8:00PM, $49-79 Garde Arts Center, 325 State St. New London, CT
There's Still Thyme… Herbal Lore, Herbalism Basics, & DIY Herbal Tea Blends, November 15:Colonial women did not have the benefit of the local pharmacy for health and healing. They did have knowledge of herbs. This program is a novice's guide to the power of plants for health and healing, herbal lore and herbalism basics. Make your own organic Women's Tonic and herbal teas. Join Ehris Urban, herbalist, public speaker and author and her mother, Velya Jancz-Urban, author, teacher and creator of the Grounded Goodwife in the "kitchen" of the Glebe House Museum (c.1750), immersed in colonial artifacts and history. Light refreshments will be served. Reservations Required. 6:30PM, $25 Glebe House, 49 Hollow Rd., Woodbury, CT
Science of Beer, November 15:Join us! for a night of craft beer samples, drinks, food, music, and good company to help raise money towards EverWonders Children's Museums $100,000 match! A night of great food and great beer! 7:00PM, $70-$100 Rock Ridge Country Club, 214 Sugar St. Newtown, CT
Saturday, November 16th 2019:
Kidz Bop Kids: World Tour 2019, November 16:KIDZ BOP records kid-friendly versions of today’s biggest pop music hits sung by kids, for kids. Over the past 18 years, KIDZ BOP has created the #1 music brand for kids, selling more than 20,000,000 albums. 6:00PM, $35-$55 Toyota Oakdale Theater, 95 South Turnpike Rd. Wallingford, CT
A Magical Cirque Christmas, November 16:The producers of Broadway’s smash hit The Illusionists have brought together the world’s greatest entertainers for a spell-binding and incredible new holiday production, A Magical Cirque Christmas. Experience the magic of Christmas with dazzling performers and breathtaking cirque artists from all corners of the world, accompanied by your favorite holiday music performed live. Get into the spirit of the season with this merry treat that’s perfect for the entire family. 8:00PM, $30-$40 Grand Theater at Foxwood Resort Casino, 350 Trolley Line Blvd. Mashantucket, CT
Russian Ballet Theatre presents Swan Lake Saturday, November 16:Those faithful to the tradition of Swan Lake, must see Russian Ballet Theatre’s new production of Pyotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky’s timeless classic. Choreographer Nadezhda Kalinina (Mariinsky Theatre, Teatro Lirico, Omsk State Music Theatre) lovingly retouches the oldest St. Petersburg version of the ballet and adds her vision and something more that undoubtedly will leave audiences flushed with emotion. RBT's dancers bring her choreography to life along with the exquisite hand painted sets and 150 hand sewn costumes, designed by the young, accomplished Sergei Novikov (Mariinsky Theatre, Omsk State Music Theatre, St. Petersburg State Music Hall)in the century-old tradition of the great theatrical masters. Special Effects makeup by Award-winning Irina Strukova (Crazy Rich Asians, Netflix, HBO) completes the already perfect glittering fantasy that is Swan Lake! Russian Ballet Theatre has partnered with PLUS1, an initiative that connects artists with causes, so that $1 from every ticket sold will support local public school teachers and their classroom projects in New London and surrounding areas throughDonorsChoose.org. 8:00PM, $35-$69 Garde Arts Center, 325 State Street. New London, CT
FRANKIE VALLI & THE FOUR SEASONS, Saturday November 16:There’s something about Frankie Valli’s music that makes young people of every generation want to get up and dance. Amid the Disco era, the Seasons hit it big with “Who Loves You,” which reached #3 in 1975 and "December 1963 (Oh, What a Night)," a #1 record in 1976. On the other side of the Atlantic, "You’re Ready Now" and "The Night," which didn’t do anything in the U.S., emerged from dance clubs in the north of England to become huge hits in Europe. Two decades later, in 1994, a dance club remix of "December 1963" climbed to #14 in the U.S. on Billboard Hot 100. In 2000, a French-language Rap version of "December 1963" went to #1 in Paris. And a few years ago – a remix of the Four Seasons’ 1967 hit "Beggin'" became the #1 Dance record in Britain. Valli and the Four Seasons have influenced many other great recording artists. For example, from Barry Gibb: "Frankie Valli to me has become one of the hallmark voices of our generation. From the deepest emotions of his real voice to the power of his falsetto, he created a style that we all still strive to emulate." From Billy Joel: "I wrote 'Uptown Girl' as the flip side to the story of 'Rag Doll.' I always loved that record." And from Brian Wilson: "In the early 60s the Four Seasons were my favorite group. I thought they were fantastic. The voice blend was fantastic. The competition helped me to get cracking. It inspired me, because they made good music. I went to the piano thinking I could top their music." 8:00PM, $35-$222 Mohegan Sun Arena, Uncasville CT
1.5 yr later update of my knife-wielding FMIL; things are worse than ever and really impacting my relationship with my GF
Backstory/ first post from Oct 2017 My gf and I have been in a long distance relationship for two years ago. I’m 30, she’s almost 24. I wrote this about 6 months into our relationship (couldn’t remember old account password): https://www.reddit.com/JUSTNOMIL/comments/787f4k/gfs_22f_moms_crazy_behavior_is_straining_ou?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ios_share_flow_optimization&utm_term=control_1 it’s a doozy. Long, long story short it was looking for advice not only on various crazy outbursts including knife-wielding, but on my gf’s mom controlling her life. Her mom can’t understand my relationship is with my gf, not her. Things worked out for a month or so after writing that...until my gf said she wanted to end things. A few weeks after that, I fly out at the holidays and we work things out. It was during this visit I found out for over a month while we were together she had not only been on tinder talking to other guys and having explicit conversations, but trying to meet up with a few. I was devastated by what I saw. Really crushed. One of the guys had a gf at the time and they were both talking about keeping it a secret, etc. This asshole will return later in the story. But I forgave her. I let her know it could never happen again though, and the guys you tried meeting with need to be out of your life. We get back together and a year and a half later, here we are. Before I go into the story prompting this post, let me give a rundown of the litany of terrible things that have happened, most in the last 1.5 yrs since writing my original post: Examples
Her mom is a bad gambling addict. She lives for the casino, they are insanely in debt, and it affects my gf daily, yet my gf can’t see the forest through the leaves. 99% of the world would realize how huge this is, but to my gf, it’s almost become so normalized it’s a non-issue
I can’t tell you how many times she’s cancelled my gf’s phone service to punish her; and then turns it on 45 min later
Calling her incessantly; many times a day, and when my gf doesn’t pick up she will call 15, 20 times in a row til she does. Even when we were traveling in Europe (she studied abroad in Italy a semester), instead of enjoying the trip my gf was crying about what her mom was saying to her
She skipped class so we could stop in Pompeii and Sorento on my first weekend visiting (we were coming back from Amalfi). Her mom flipped out: texted me saying she’s calling the police that I kidnapped her daughter, she proceeded to call the school and all gf’s friends that her daughter was missing
Mom’s attitude during fights: physical violence (throwing things like remotes), threatening to or saying she already called the police, at least twice she took out a KNIFE and brandished it
The mom cries wolf often: last summer the mom is complaining she needs to go to the hospital, dad is sick of her crying wolf and ignores her. She then nonstop is badgering my gf all morning to take her and my gf is refusing. Turns out nothing was wrong of course, but guess what? Her dad who refused to take mom yelled at my gf for doing the same thing
Gf’s dad and grandma (mom’s mom) are the two biggest enablers I think I’ve ever seen. They are complete and total pushovers for the mom’s tirades.
I can’t tell you how many times her mom has called her home to “talk with her” in the middle of my visit, obviously stealing my time from her
Gf is constantly at the mom’s beck and call: from driving 2 hours to the coast without a thank you when her mom lost her car keys in a casino, to rushing a beautiful picnic my gf were having at Gettysburg, to having us miss an event that ended at 4 pm so gf could vacuum floor and clean counters (she actually said “I’m letting your bf stay here you so you have to do what I say!”) when she could have easily done the chores anytime that night
Many times I’ve tried to have my gf visit she can’t because she has to “watch the dog for the weekend” while the mom goes to the casino (they’ve had neighbors watch dog, their cousin has a dog, they’ve used kennel multiple times, I showed gf an awesome dog sitting service (that I would pay for), but nothing was good enough (frankly, I think my gf was too afraid to run the ideas by her mom)
Conversely, her mom cuts my gf’s visits to me short, like having her come home Saturday instead of Sunday saying my gf has to be “well rested” for school Monday...yet one of these return weekends she wanted her to go on a late night Sunday bus trip to Atlantic City (so, spending Sunday with your bf before flying back is worse than spending the night out gambling?)
She’s said NASTY things about me, mocking me any way she can.
Only giving her two grand for an entire 4 month study abroad semester and bitching about money constantly (yet gf made sure to take thank you pictures for them everywhere we went...I spent over 10,000 on her in the month and a half I was there. No thank you from my gf.
Her mom has said “your bf never thanked us for letting you guys stay at [gf’s deceased grandma’s trailer]...where’s my thank you for spending 10,000 giving your daughter the European trip of a lifetime?
For as in debt as they are, her and her parents went to an 8,000 destination wedding in the Bahamas for her cousin...8,000 for 5 days. Like the mom’s gambling addiction, my gf failed to see what a huge problem this was
For Christmas she wanted a new palate, I got her $200 in Sephora makeup kits. She got me a card and a clearance sweater. She forgot them at home.
For her birthday I got her an expensive opal ring completing her opal collection (all the other pieces except her grandma’s necklace I bought). She got me a card and a t shirt with her school logo (compare this to an ex who got me a custom made photo of me and my grandfather). She forgot the card again.
The money, oh my god, the money they take from my gf. They nickel and dime her for everything, everything- yet constantly demand to “borrow” money, her mom has made her multiple times to go to the bank just so gf can transfer her $10. I have to pay for everything with my gf because she never has money.
In two years of dating she has never paid or planned for a visit, I have to do everything
Her parents made gf sign a contract saying she won’t ever move away and will pay back all parents loans
Kicked me out of the house (requiring me get a last minute motel) in the middle of my visit because she “needed space”. She’s said this multiple times yet...
...yet she constantly says “I don’t even know your bf, I never spend time with your bf!”. So which is it??? Every time in the last two years I’ve visited her I’ve stayed at there house, I’ve went out to eat with them dozens of times, I’ve been to numerous family events, a week long stay in the mountains with her whole dad’s side family. Is this not average,if not above-and-beyond? Is it crazy for a long distance bf to want to prioritize time with his gf?
Zero sense of boundaries: we stayed at her aunts house for a few days in summer. In the middle of the day unexpectedly she comes while I am swimming naked in the pool. They unexpectedly popped in about 8 more times that week.
No less than a dozen times (seriously) she’s said she wanted to move to my state. Ask her about it now? That was a lie and she’d never do that in a million years. She wants to die a block away from the house she was born in to spend time with cousins she only sees twice a year
I earnestly believe the mom is the root cause of 98% of the discord in our relationship. And it’s not like I fight her back, or say anything to her face.
You know how boomers annoyingly complain about kids being on social media all the time? It’s true in the case of my gf, she is literally addicted to Instagram and Snapchat
Her mom has wanted to know my salary and what I pay in student loans.
Her mom is controlling her relationships. That’s not right. In the post I made a year and a half ago I said “she shows no signs of her mother’s traits at all”. It’s taken a complete 180. Yes, she’s still amazing with kids and all the other stuff I liked, etc, but the single biggest thing her mom does, saying she wants X then moments later reversing and saying she wants Y, is something I see a lot in my gf now. Recent events prompting this post Pre-Visit The recent chain of events: last three visits in a row were flying to see me (thanksgiving break, after Christmas, and in March) because as I tried telling her, once she starts working in summer it will be difficult for her to take long periods off and far easier for me to visit her (working from home). Next planned visit perfectly coincided with her graduation and early summer: I’d fly out to her, we would go to a cabin in Gettysburg for my birthday, do half a week in Atlantic City to celebrate graduation, then after graduation day her mom got a free stay in a casino in Maryland for the weekend as her graduation present (ugh) and then we would fly back to my place together to spend a week. Maryland and my place never ended up happening. During this time my gf was applying to grad school, hoping to get into a one year program because she said she couldn’t afford two yr. It became a sort of tug of war between me and her mom: me encouraging grad school (even 2 yr programs) and her mom demanding she start working right away. Long story, well, it shouldn’t surprise you who she listened to. So what was once her mom yelling at my gf about not going to grad school became yelling about getting a job. Things take a new turn when two weeks before I were to leave, her mom goes through everything in her room: she read through every single private letter, note, picture, memento, anything (and there’s a lot) that my gf has from me. My gf smokes a good amount of weed and I sent her rolling papers (the very very legal kind you can get at any corner gas station). Her mom flips out, gf has to stay with friends for a few days. Her mom calls me, calls MY mom, and messages a police chief friend of hers (later says this never happened but I saw the screenshots and it looked legit) that I’m a drug dealer. At this point I’m not mad, I’m scared. The women who’s shown she consistently cries wolf now might try to get me in trouble for something that is a TOTAL fabrication? In her text to me she said I can forget about Maryland and staying at there house. So, for the weekend in between Gettysburg and Atlantic City I arrange to stay at my buddy’s house, and get my ticket to return right after her graduation, skipping the Maryland weekend. The mom’s crocodile tears got my gf. EVERY day for two weeks prior to leaving every conversation would devolve into pouting “why can’t you come to Maryland”? We literally couldn’t even plan Gettysburg, Atlantic City, or graduation details because she refused to move on past Maryland. I tried explaining: with the INTENSE episode that’s happened the last few weeks, don’t you think a little space is a good thing? I have all summer, The rest of my life to spend time with them. Serious shit just went down and considering past history (not to mention how busy we will be with my birthday and your grad celebrating) it’s ok to skip this weekend- not to mention I already bought my ticket. Then it became “why can’t you call my mom and apologize?” She wanted me to call her parents and apologize because her parents went through her stuff and all my private mementos and accused me of heinous deeds. I was in disbelief. But my gf was so, SO dead set. I relented and called them: the call lasted 90 seconds. I said one sentence (about how she dug through her daughters stuff), she flipped out, and hung up on me. My gf briefly sides with me then a day later is back to pouting, “why can’t you call my parents againnn?” Long story short I did. We talked fine about nothing new (“we just want to get to know you more”, etc) and I explained how going off what she told me, I purchased my ticket to come back before the Maryland weekend. During the visit My gf still pouts until the day I leave. The first day we are together is wonderful as always, but then the fights start again. The first one on day 2 was small (me wanting to spend time at her place while her parents are gone) but then my birthday the next day another fight erupts. I was annoyed how the whole day she kept making quips like (I’m paraphrasing), “better do what you want on your birthday today because tomorrow is back to normal!”, contrast that to what I do for her, calling it a birthWEEK and try to make the whole week special for her. Sex the night of my birthday is a disaster, a huge fight erupts and I’m shaken to the core: it would be bad enough anytime but on my birthday? The next day she barely says a word until about 3pm; then things go back to normal for a couple days. The night we left I planned a beautiful sunset picnic overlooking the whole park, but her mom keeps badgering her via text the whole time, “why haven’t you left yet?!”. A girl in her mid-20s can’t make decisions on her own? I spend the weekend at my friends, we have fun. Gf is at home and guess what- her mom is having another fit. I have her admit that had I stayed there, things would have just been worse. The next few days in Atlantic City is relatively fine but at this point I’m not happy. I’m demoralized and disheartened. I was grumpy twice that I can remember, about little things. Twice we had to go to the bank that week to send her mom winnings (we don’t gamble but casinos have “free play” so of course we used it). Graduation is fine, wonderful actually: I’m so, so proud of her. I make sure to get about 1,000 photos on my nice camera of her (her family just had cell phones.) Post-visit up to now Remember how after Maryland she was going to come visit me for a week before starting work? I wanted to prioritize spending time with her on my visit so I waited to plan her visit til I returned. Instead of seeing me around Memorial Day (when I had off, it worked out perfectly), her mom got her a room in Atlantic City (you have to gamble a lot to get comped rooms on a holiday weekend). Instead of seeing me on a perfect, free week, she did something she can do literally any weekend this summer. I was not happy. I told her how she’s going to be starting work and won’t have as much time to visit me, coupled with the fact for two years I have planned (and paid) for every trip. I’m slightly more distant for a few days, but when she has to go to an MRI and turns out she has a litany of back problems, I’m there for her. She would text me in pain every morning, called me sobbing after her mri results two weeks ago. She also starts her new job around Memorial Day; I figure between the intense back pain and the stress of the new job, she’s busy. We go days without phone talking, yet just a few weeks earlier I’d spend hours a day on the phone with her. I think something is off but she did say “I’m so busy I don’t even want to talk to my parents when I get home.” I know the feeling well so of course I just give her space. I rarely use social media, I logged onto Instagram and noticed her newest picture and my heart sank. The guy she tried cheating with a year and half ago liked it. He now follows her and she follows him. I’m in shock. I call her and she keeps me waiting for 90 minutes before she calls back. I said how could you associate with him? You literally promised to me you wouldn’t? Her best friend was hooking up with a guy cheating on his gf for a year and allllllllll my gf did was bash it and talk about how morally repugnant it was...what was her reply now? “I don’t care”. She goes on to clarify that what she did a year and a half ago wasn’t “real” cheating but “emotional” cheating. I tell her that’s cosmo Snapchat story bullshit. And that when she started going into how she wanted to break up. It was an exact repeat of what happened a year and a half ago: huge fight ensures with her mom, she looks for attention from other guys and tries to break up. She says the biggest issue is that I don’t want to spend time with her family. Second issue how she wants to live by her family. And third, the how much fighting we’ve been doing lately. What I’m about to say is mean and unfair. I don’t like it, but I’m trying to be honest in this post: I’ve given her family more time and opportunities than any other guy would put up with. Second, I’ve told her multiple times: I don’t care where we live, but it’s ridiculous to plan your whole life just so you can stay around parents who treat you like shit (and like I’ve told her: your mom should be moving where you go!). As for her third point, yeah there have been a lot of fights...but don’t you realize 98% of them stem from/involve your mother in some way? I should add, my gf is a regular smoker and hasn’t smoked weed in about two months (even though she’s had her job for three weeks now, I feel like her mom still has her scared about it) So... I’m just sort of taken aback on every level. It feels like the same thing from a year and a half ago is happening all over again; and the thing that kills me is how GOOD and supportive I am to her. I swear I don’t mean it as hubris I’m just being honest: I’ve been there every step of the way with her, I’ve been her one steady, consistent rock; I’ve never had anything but her best interests in mind. It’s like...it’s the principle at this point: you’re trying to break up with me? Is this a joke? Clearly I’m a fool for going along with this, but you have to understand there are about 10,000 little examples that gave me hope, that made me think maybe things would improve- and, for a while, seemed to be clear evidence it was, like all the times she said she wanted to move in with me. I feel like for many months it was headed that way, and all came crashing down recently. So many of the posts I see here involve supportive significant others who know how bad the situation is...How can someone who has it so much worse than many of the stories I’ve read here (not that it’s a contest, just comparatively speaking) still defend everything her mom does and spurn all the times I’ve been her shoulder to cry on? Is my gf’s callous behavior coming from within or a product of all this maternal discord? TL;DR: long list of examples of FMIL crazy behavio summary of current fighting between us going on the last month or two/ culminating in my gf talking to guy she cheated with and trying to end things. I feel like my gf’s cold and hurtful behavior has her mother at its roots.
Two years of enduring my [30m] gf’s [23f] defense of her mom’s horrid behavior is deteriorating our relationship...now she’s talking with a guy she tried cheating on me with
Many people in JUSTNOMIL told me to post this here. It’s copied verbatim except for the title. Backstory/ first post from Oct 2017 My gf and I have been in a long distance relationship for two years ago. I’m 30, she’s almost 24. I wrote this about 6 months into our relationship (couldn’t remember old account password): https://www.reddit.com/JUSTNOMIL/comments/787f4k/gfs_22f_moms_crazy_behavior_is_straining_ou?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ios_share_flow_optimization&utm_term=control_1 it’s a doozy. Long, long story short it was looking for advice not only on various crazy outbursts including knife-wielding, but on my gf’s mom controlling her life. Her mom can’t understand my relationship is with my gf, not her. Things worked out for a month or so after writing that...until my gf said she wanted to end things. A few weeks after that, I fly out at the holidays and we work things out. It was during this visit I found out for over a month while we were together she had not only been on tinder talking to other guys and having explicit conversations, but trying to meet up with a few. I was devastated by what I saw. Really crushed. One of the guys had a gf at the time and they were both talking about keeping it a secret, etc. This asshole will return later in the story. But I forgave her. I let her know it could never happen again though, and the guys you tried meeting with need to be out of your life. We get back together and a year and a half later, here we are. Before I go into the story prompting this post, let me give a rundown of the litany of terrible things that have happened, most in the last 1.5 yrs since writing my original post: Examples
Her mom is a bad gambling addict. She lives for the casino, they are insanely in debt, and it affects my gf daily, yet my gf can’t see the forest through the leaves. 99% of the world would realize how huge this is, but to my gf, it’s almost become so normalized it’s a non-issue
I can’t tell you how many times she’s cancelled my gf’s phone service to punish her; and then turns it on 45 min later
Calling her incessantly; many times a day, and when my gf doesn’t pick up she will call 15, 20 times in a row til she does. Even when we were traveling in Europe (she studied abroad in Italy a semester), instead of enjoying the trip my gf was crying about what her mom was saying to her
She skipped class so we could stop in Pompeii and Sorento on my first weekend visiting (we were coming back from Amalfi). Her mom flipped out: texted me saying she’s calling the police that I kidnapped her daughter, she proceeded to call the school and all gf’s friends that her daughter was missing
Mom’s attitude during fights: physical violence (throwing things like remotes), threatening to or saying she already called the police, at least twice she took out a KNIFE and brandished it
The mom cries wolf often: last summer the mom is complaining she needs to go to the hospital, dad is sick of her crying wolf and ignores her. She then nonstop is badgering my gf all morning to take her and my gf is refusing. Turns out nothing was wrong of course, but guess what? Her dad who refused to take mom yelled at my gf for doing the same thing
Gf’s dad and grandma (mom’s mom) are the two biggest enablers I think I’ve ever seen. They are complete and total pushovers for the mom’s tirades.
I can’t tell you how many times her mom has called her home to “talk with her” in the middle of my visit, obviously stealing my time from her
Gf is constantly at the mom’s beck and call: from driving 2 hours to the coast without a thank you when her mom lost her car keys in a casino, to rushing a beautiful picnic my gf were having at Gettysburg, to having us miss an event that ended at 4 pm so gf could vacuum floor and clean counters (she actually said “I’m letting your bf stay here you so you have to do what I say!”) when she could have easily done the chores anytime that night
Many times I’ve tried to have my gf visit she can’t because she has to “watch the dog for the weekend” while the mom goes to the casino (they’ve had neighbors watch dog, their cousin has a dog, they’ve used kennel multiple times, I showed gf an awesome dog sitting service (that I would pay for), but nothing was good enough (frankly, I think my gf was too afraid to run the ideas by her mom)
Conversely, her mom cuts my gf’s visits to me short, like having her come home Saturday instead of Sunday saying my gf has to be “well rested” for school Monday...yet one of these return weekends she wanted her to go on a late night Sunday bus trip to Atlantic City (so, spending Sunday with your bf before flying back is worse than spending the night out gambling?)
She’s said NASTY things about me, mocking me any way she can.
Only giving her two grand for an entire 4 month study abroad semester and bitching about money constantly (yet gf made sure to take thank you pictures for them everywhere we went...I spent over 10,000 on her in the month and a half I was there. No thank you from my gf.
Her mom has said “your bf never thanked us for letting you guys stay at [gf’s deceased grandma’s trailer]...where’s my thank you for spending 10,000 giving your daughter the European trip of a lifetime?
For as in debt as they are, her and her parents went to an 8,000 destination wedding in the Bahamas for her cousin...8,000 for 5 days. Like the mom’s gambling addiction, my gf failed to see what a huge problem this was
For Christmas she wanted a new palate, I got her $200 in Sephora makeup kits. She got me a card and a clearance sweater. She forgot them at home.
For her birthday I got her an expensive opal ring completing her opal collection (all the other pieces except her grandma’s necklace I bought). She got me a card and a t shirt with her school logo (compare this to an ex who got me a custom made photo of me and my grandfather). She forgot the card again.
The money, oh my god, the money they take from my gf. They nickel and dime her for everything, everything- yet constantly demand to “borrow” money, her mom has made her multiple times to go to the bank just so gf can transfer her $10. I have to pay for everything with my gf because she never has money.
In two years of dating she has never paid or planned for a visit, I have to do everything
Her parents made gf sign a contract saying she won’t ever move away and will pay back all parents loans
Kicked me out of the house (requiring me get a last minute motel) in the middle of my visit because she “needed space”. She’s said this multiple times yet...
...yet she constantly says “I don’t even know your bf, I never spend time with your bf!”. So which is it??? Every time in the last two years I’ve visited her I’ve stayed at there house, I’ve went out to eat with them dozens of times, I’ve been to numerous family events, a week long stay in the mountains with her whole dad’s side family. Is this not average,if not above-and-beyond? Is it crazy for a long distance bf to want to prioritize time with his gf?
Zero sense of boundaries: we stayed at her aunts house for a few days in summer. In the middle of the day unexpectedly she comes while I am swimming naked in the pool. They unexpectedly popped in about 8 more times that week.
No less than a dozen times (seriously) she’s said she wanted to move to my state. Ask her about it now? That was a lie and she’d never do that in a million years. She wants to die a block away from the house she was born in to spend time with cousins she only sees twice a year
I earnestly believe the mom is the root cause of 98% of the discord in our relationship. And it’s not like I fight her back, or say anything to her face.
You know how boomers annoyingly complain about kids being on social media all the time? It’s true in the case of my gf, she is literally addicted to Instagram and Snapchat
Her mom has wanted to know my salary and what I pay in student loans.
Her mom is controlling her relationships. That’s not right. In the post I made a year and a half ago I said “she shows no signs of her mother’s traits at all”. It’s taken a complete 180. Yes, she’s still amazing with kids and all the other stuff I liked, etc, but the single biggest thing her mom does, saying she wants X then moments later reversing and saying she wants Y, is something I see a lot in my gf now. Recent events prompting this post Pre-Visit The recent chain of events: last three visits in a row were flying to see me (thanksgiving break, after Christmas, and in March) because as I tried telling her, once she starts working in summer it will be difficult for her to take long periods off and far easier for me to visit her (working from home). Next planned visit perfectly coincided with her graduation and early summer: I’d fly out to her, we would go to a cabin in Gettysburg for my birthday, do half a week in Atlantic City to celebrate graduation, then after graduation day her mom got a free stay in a casino in Maryland for the weekend as her graduation present (ugh) and then we would fly back to my place together to spend a week. Maryland and my place never ended up happening. During this time my gf was applying to grad school, hoping to get into a one year program because she said she couldn’t afford two yr. It became a sort of tug of war between me and her mom: me encouraging grad school (even 2 yr programs) and her mom demanding she start working right away. Long story, well, it shouldn’t surprise you who she listened to. So what was once her mom yelling at my gf about not going to grad school became yelling about getting a job. Things take a new turn when two weeks before I were to leave, her mom goes through everything in her room: she read through every single private letter, note, picture, memento, anything (and there’s a lot) that my gf has from me. My gf smokes a good amount of weed and I sent her rolling papers (the very very legal kind you can get at any corner gas station). Her mom flips out, gf has to stay with friends for a few days. Her mom calls me, calls MY mom, and messages a police chief friend of hers (later says this never happened but I saw the screenshots and it looked legit) that I’m a drug dealer. At this point I’m not mad, I’m scared. The women who’s shown she consistently cries wolf now might try to get me in trouble for something that is a TOTAL fabrication? In her text to me she said I can forget about Maryland and staying at there house. So, for the weekend in between Gettysburg and Atlantic City I arrange to stay at my buddy’s house, and get my ticket to return right after her graduation, skipping the Maryland weekend. The mom’s crocodile tears got my gf. EVERY day for two weeks prior to leaving every conversation would devolve into pouting “why can’t you come to Maryland”? We literally couldn’t even plan Gettysburg, Atlantic City, or graduation details because she refused to move on past Maryland. I tried explaining: with the INTENSE episode that’s happened the last few weeks, don’t you think a little space is a good thing? I have all summer, The rest of my life to spend time with them. Serious shit just went down and considering past history (not to mention how busy we will be with my birthday and your grad celebrating) it’s ok to skip this weekend- not to mention I already bought my ticket. Then it became “why can’t you call my mom and apologize?” She wanted me to call her parents and apologize because her parents went through her stuff and all my private mementos and accused me of heinous deeds. I was in disbelief. But my gf was so, SO dead set. I relented and called them: the call lasted 90 seconds. I said one sentence (about how she dug through her daughters stuff), she flipped out, and hung up on me. My gf briefly sides with me then a day later is back to pouting, “why can’t you call my parents againnn?” Long story short I did. We talked fine about nothing new (“we just want to get to know you more”, etc) and I explained how going off what she told me, I purchased my ticket to come back before the Maryland weekend. During the visit My gf still pouts until the day I leave. The first day we are together is wonderful as always, but then the fights start again. The first one on day 2 was small (me wanting to spend time at her place while her parents are gone) but then my birthday the next day another fight erupts. I was annoyed how the whole day she kept making quips like (I’m paraphrasing), “better do what you want on your birthday today because tomorrow is back to normal!”, contrast that to what I do for her, calling it a birthWEEK and try to make the whole week special for her. Sex the night of my birthday is a disaster, a huge fight erupts and I’m shaken to the core: it would be bad enough anytime but on my birthday? The next day she barely says a word until about 3pm; then things go back to normal for a couple days. The night we left I planned a beautiful sunset picnic overlooking the whole park, but her mom keeps badgering her via text the whole time, “why haven’t you left yet?!”. A girl in her mid-20s can’t make decisions on her own? I spend the weekend at my friends, we have fun. Gf is at home and guess what- her mom is having another fit. I have her admit that had I stayed there, things would have just been worse. The next few days in Atlantic City is relatively fine but at this point I’m not happy. I’m demoralized and disheartened. I was grumpy twice that I can remember, about little things. Twice we had to go to the bank that week to send her mom winnings (we don’t gamble but casinos have “free play” so of course we used it). Graduation is fine, wonderful actually: I’m so, so proud of her. I make sure to get about 1,000 photos on my nice camera of her (her family just had cell phones.) Post-visit up to now Remember how after Maryland she was going to come visit me for a week before starting work? I wanted to prioritize spending time with her on my visit so I waited to plan her visit til I returned. Instead of seeing me around Memorial Day (when I had off, it worked out perfectly), her mom got her a room in Atlantic City (you have to gamble a lot to get comped rooms on a holiday weekend). Instead of seeing me on a perfect, free week, she did something she can do literally any weekend this summer. I was not happy. I told her how she’s going to be starting work and won’t have as much time to visit me, coupled with the fact for two years I have planned (and paid) for every trip. I’m slightly more distant for a few days, but when she has to go to an MRI and turns out she has a litany of back problems, I’m there for her. She would text me in pain every morning, called me sobbing after her mri results two weeks ago. She also starts her new job around Memorial Day; I figure between the intense back pain and the stress of the new job, she’s busy. We go days without phone talking, yet just a few weeks earlier I’d spend hours a day on the phone with her. I think something is off but she did say “I’m so busy I don’t even want to talk to my parents when I get home.” I know the feeling well so of course I just give her space. I rarely use social media, I logged onto Instagram and noticed her newest picture and my heart sank. The guy she tried cheating with a year and half ago liked it. He now follows her and she follows him. I’m in shock. I call her and she keeps me waiting for 90 minutes before she calls back. I said how could you associate with him? You literally promised to me you wouldn’t? Her best friend was hooking up with a guy cheating on his gf for a year and allllllllll my gf did was bash it and talk about how morally repugnant it was...what was her reply now? “I don’t care”. She goes on to clarify that what she did a year and a half ago wasn’t “real” cheating but “emotional” cheating. I tell her that’s cosmo Snapchat story bullshit. And that when she started going into how she wanted to break up. It was an exact repeat of what happened a year and a half ago: huge fight ensures with her mom, she looks for attention from other guys and tries to break up. She says the biggest issue is that I don’t want to spend time with her family. Second issue how she wants to live by her family. And third, the how much fighting we’ve been doing lately. What I’m about to say is mean and unfair. I don’t like it, but I’m trying to be honest in this post: I’ve given her family more time and opportunities than any other guy would put up with. Second, I’ve told her multiple times: I don’t care where we live, but it’s ridiculous to plan your whole life just so you can stay around parents who treat you like shit (and like I’ve told her: your mom should be moving where you go!). As for her third point, yeah there have been a lot of fights...but don’t you realize 98% of them stem from/involve your mother in some way? I should add, my gf is a regular smoker and hasn’t smoked weed in about two months (even though she’s had her job for three weeks now, I feel like her mom still has her scared about it) So... I’m just sort of taken aback on every level. It feels like the same thing from a year and a half ago is happening all over again; and the thing that kills me is how GOOD and supportive I am to her. I swear I don’t mean it as hubris I’m just being honest: I’ve been there every step of the way with her, I’ve been her one steady, consistent rock; I’ve never had anything but her best interests in mind. It’s like...it’s the principle at this point: you’re trying to break up with me? Is this a joke? Clearly I’m a fool for going along with this, but you have to understand there are about 10,000 little examples that gave me hope, that made me think maybe things would improve- and, for a while, seemed to be clear evidence it was, like all the times she said she wanted to move in with me. I feel like for many months it was headed that way, and all came crashing down recently. So many of the posts I see here involve supportive significant others who know how bad the situation is...How can someone who has it so much worse than many of the stories I’ve read here (not that it’s a contest, just comparatively speaking) still defend everything her mom does and spurn all the times I’ve been her shoulder to cry on? Is my gf’s callous behavior coming from within or a product of all this maternal discord? TL;DR: long list of examples of FMIL crazy behavio summary of current fighting between us going on the last month or two/ culminating in my gf talking to guy she cheated with and trying to end things. I feel like my gf’s cold and hurtful behavior has her mother at its roots. Backstory/ first post from Oct 2017 My gf and I have been in a long distance relationship for two years ago. I’m 30, she’s almost 24. I wrote this about 6 months into our relationship (couldn’t remember old account password): https://www.reddit.com/JUSTNOMIL/comments/787f4k/gfs_22f_moms_crazy_behavior_is_straining_ou?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ios_share_flow_optimization&utm_term=control_1 it’s a doozy. Long, long story short it was looking for advice not only on various crazy outbursts including knife-wielding, but on my gf’s mom controlling her life. Her mom can’t understand my relationship is with my gf, not her. Things worked out for a month or so after writing that...until my gf said she wanted to end things. A few weeks after that, I fly out at the holidays and we work things out. It was during this visit I found out for over a month while we were together she had not only been on tinder talking to other guys and having explicit conversations, but trying to meet up with a few. I was devastated by what I saw. Really crushed. One of the guys had a gf at the time and they were both talking about keeping it a secret, etc. This asshole will return later in the story. But I forgave her. I let her know it could never happen again though, and the guys you tried meeting with need to be out of your life. We get back together and a year and a half later, here we are. Before I go into the story prompting this post, let me give a rundown of the litany of terrible things that have happened, most in the last 1.5 yrs since writing my original post: Examples
Her mom is a bad gambling addict. She lives for the casino, they are insanely in debt, and it affects my gf daily, yet my gf can’t see the forest through the leaves. 99% of the world would realize how huge this is, but to my gf, it’s almost become so normalized it’s a non-issue
I can’t tell you how many times she’s cancelled my gf’s phone service to punish her; and then turns it on 45 min later
Calling her incessantly; many times a day, and when my gf doesn’t pick up she will call 15, 20 times in a row til she does. Even when we were traveling in Europe (she studied abroad in Italy a semester), instead of enjoying the trip my gf was crying about what her mom was saying to her
She skipped class so we could stop in Pompeii and Sorento on my first weekend visiting (we were coming back from Amalfi). Her mom flipped out: texted me saying she’s calling the police that I kidnapped her daughter, she proceeded to call the school and all gf’s friends that her daughter was missing
Mom’s attitude during fights: physical violence (throwing things like remotes), threatening to or saying she already called the police, at least twice she took out a KNIFE and brandished it
The mom cries wolf often: last summer the mom is complaining she needs to go to the hospital, dad is sick of her crying wolf and ignores her. She then nonstop is badgering my gf all morning to take her and my gf is refusing. Turns out nothing was wrong of course, but guess what? Her dad who refused to take mom yelled at my gf for doing the same thing
Gf’s dad and grandma (mom’s mom) are the two biggest enablers I think I’ve ever seen. They are complete and total pushovers for the mom’s tirades.
I can’t tell you how many times her mom has called her home to “talk with her” in the middle of my visit, obviously stealing my time from her
Gf is constantly at the mom’s beck and call: from driving 2 hours to the coast without a thank you when her mom lost her car keys in a casino, to rushing a beautiful picnic my gf were having at Gettysburg, to having us miss an event that ended at 4 pm so gf could vacuum floor and clean counters (she actually said “I’m letting your bf stay here you so you have to do what I say!”) when she could have easily done the chores anytime that night
Many times I’ve tried to have my gf visit she can’t because she has to “watch the dog for the weekend” while the mom goes to the casino (they’ve had neighbors watch dog, their cousin has a dog, they’ve used kennel multiple times, I showed gf an awesome dog sitting service (that I would pay for), but nothing was good enough (frankly, I think my gf was too afraid to run the ideas by her mom)
Conversely, her mom cuts my gf’s visits to me short, like having her come home Saturday instead of Sunday saying my gf has to be “well rested” for school Monday...yet one of these return weekends she wanted her to go on a late night Sunday bus trip to Atlantic City (so, spending Sunday with your bf before flying back is worse than spending the night out gambling?)
She’s said NASTY things about me, mocking me any way she can.
Only giving her two grand for an entire 4 month study abroad semester and bitching about money constantly (yet gf made sure to take thank you pictures for them everywhere we went...I spent over 10,000 on her in the month and a half I was there. No thank you from my gf.
Her mom has said “your bf never thanked us for letting you guys stay at [gf’s deceased grandma’s trailer]...where’s my thank you for spending 10,000 giving your daughter the European trip of a lifetime?
For as in debt as they are, her and her parents went to an 8,000 destination wedding in the Bahamas for her cousin...8,000 for 5 days. Like the mom’s gambling addiction, my gf failed to see what a huge problem this was
For Christmas she wanted a new palate, I got her $200 in Sephora makeup kits. She got me a card and a clearance sweater. She forgot them at home.
For her birthday I got her an expensive opal ring completing her opal collection (all the other pieces except her grandma’s necklace I bought). She got me a card and a t shirt with her school logo (compare this to an ex who got me a custom made photo of me and my grandfather). She forgot the card again.
The money, oh my god, the money they take from my gf. They nickel and dime her for everything, everything- yet constantly demand to “borrow” money, her mom has made her multiple times to go to the bank just so gf can transfer her $10. I have to pay for everything with my gf because she never has money.
In two years of dating she has never paid or planned for a visit, I have to do everything
Her parents made gf sign a contract saying she won’t ever move away and will pay back all parents loans
Kicked me out of the house (requiring me get a last minute motel) in the middle of my visit because she “needed space”. She’s said this multiple times yet...
...yet she constantly says “I don’t even know your bf, I never spend time with your bf!”. So which is it??? Every time in the last two years I’ve visited her I’ve stayed at there house, I’ve went out to eat with them dozens of times, I’ve been to numerous family events, a week long stay in the mountains with her whole dad’s side family. Is this not average,if not above-and-beyond? Is it crazy for a long distance bf to want to prioritize time with his gf?
Zero sense of boundaries: we stayed at her aunts house for a few days in summer. In the middle of the day unexpectedly she comes while I am swimming naked in the pool. They unexpectedly popped in about 8 more times that week.
No less than a dozen times (seriously) she’s said she wanted to move to my state. Ask her about it now? That was a lie and she’d never do that in a million years. She wants to die a block away from the house she was born in to spend time with cousins she only sees twice a year
I earnestly believe the mom is the root cause of 98% of the discord in our relationship. And it’s not like I fight her back, or say anything to her face.
You know how boomers annoyingly complain about kids being on social media all the time? It’s true in the case of my gf, she is literally addicted to Instagram and Snapchat
Her mom has wanted to know my salary and what I pay in student loans.
Her mom is controlling her relationships. That’s not right. In the post I made a year and a half ago I said “she shows no signs of her mother’s traits at all”. It’s taken a complete 180. Yes, she’s still amazing with kids and all the other stuff I liked, etc, but the single biggest thing her mom does, saying she wants X then moments later reversing and saying she wants Y, is something I see a lot in my gf now. Recent events prompting this post Pre-Visit The recent chain of events: last three visits in a row were flying to see me (thanksgiving break, after Christmas, and in March) because as I tried telling her, once she starts working in summer it will be difficult for her to take long periods off and far easier for me to visit her (working from home). Next planned visit perfectly coincided with her graduation and early summer: I’d fly out to her, we would go to a cabin in Gettysburg for my birthday, do half a week in Atlantic City to celebrate graduation, then after graduation day her mom got a free stay in a casino in Maryland for the weekend as her graduation present (ugh) and then we would fly back to my place together to spend a week. Maryland and my place never ended up happening. During this time my gf was applying to grad school, hoping to get into a one year program because she said she couldn’t afford two yr. It became a sort of tug of war between me and her mom: me encouraging grad school (even 2 yr programs) and her mom demanding she start working right away. Long story, well, it shouldn’t surprise you who she listened to. So what was once her mom yelling at my gf about not going to grad school became yelling about getting a job. Things take a new turn when two weeks before I were to leave, her mom goes through everything in her room: she read through every single private letter, note, picture, memento, anything (and there’s a lot) that my gf has from me. My gf smokes a good amount of weed and I sent her rolling papers (the very very legal kind you can get at any corner gas station). Her mom flips out, gf has to stay with friends for a few days. Her mom calls me, calls MY mom, and messages a police chief friend of hers (later says this never happened but I saw the screenshots and it looked legit) that I’m a drug dealer. At this point I’m not mad, I’m scared. The women who’s shown she consistently cries wolf now might try to get me in trouble for something that is a TOTAL fabrication? In her text to me she said I can forget about Maryland and staying at there house. So, for the weekend in between Gettysburg and Atlantic City I arrange to stay at my buddy’s house, and get my ticket to return right after her graduation, skipping the Maryland weekend. The mom’s crocodile tears got my gf. EVERY day for two weeks prior to leaving every conversation would devolve into pouting “why can’t you come to Maryland”? We literally couldn’t even plan Gettysburg, Atlantic City, or graduation details because she refused to move on past Maryland. I tried explaining: with the INTENSE episode that’s happened the last few weeks, don’t you think a little space is a good thing? I have all summer, The rest of my life to spend time with them. Serious shit just went down and considering past history (not to mention how busy we will be with my birthday and your grad celebrating) it’s ok to skip this weekend- not to mention I already bought my ticket. Then it became “why can’t you call my mom and apologize?” She wanted me to call her parents and apologize because her parents went through her stuff and all my private mementos and accused me of heinous deeds. I was in disbelief. But my gf was so, SO dead set. I relented and called them: the call lasted 90 seconds. I said one sentence (about how she dug through her daughters stuff), she flipped out, and hung up on me. My gf briefly sides with me then a day later is back to pouting, “why can’t you call my parents againnn?” Long story short I did. We talked fine about nothing new (“we just want to get to know you more”, etc) and I explained how going off what she told me, I purchased my ticket to come back before the Maryland weekend. During the visit My gf still pouts until the day I leave. The first day we are together is wonderful as always, but then the fights start again. The first one on day 2 was small (me wanting to spend time at her place while her parents are gone) but then my birthday the next day another fight erupts. I was annoyed how the whole day she kept making quips like (I’m paraphrasing), “better do what you want on your birthday today because tomorrow is back to normal!”, contrast that to what I do for her, calling it a birthWEEK and try to make the whole week special for her. Sex the night of my birthday is a disaster, a huge fight erupts and I’m shaken to the core: it would be bad enough anytime but on my birthday? The next day she barely says a word until about 3pm; then things go back to normal for a couple days. The night we left I planned a beautiful sunset picnic overlooking the whole park, but her mom keeps badgering her via text the whole time, “why haven’t you left yet?!”. A girl in her mid-20s can’t make decisions on her own? I spend the weekend at my friends, we have fun. Gf is at home and guess what- her mom is having another fit. I have her admit that had I stayed there, things would have just been worse. The next few days in Atlantic City is relatively fine but at this point I’m not happy. I’m demoralized and disheartened. I was grumpy twice that I can remember, about little things. Twice we had to go to the bank that week to send her mom winnings (we don’t gamble but casinos have “free play” so of course we used it). Graduation is fine, wonderful actually: I’m so, so proud of her. I make sure to get about 1,000 photos on my nice camera of her (her family just had cell phones.) Post-visit up to now Remember how after Maryland she was going to come visit me for a week before starting work? I wanted to prioritize spending time with her on my visit so I waited to plan her visit til I returned. Instead of seeing me around Memorial Day (when I had off, it worked out perfectly), her mom got her a room in Atlantic City (you have to gamble a lot to get comped rooms on a holiday weekend). Instead of seeing me on a perfect, free week, she did something she can do literally any weekend this summer. I was not happy. I told her how she’s going to be starting work and won’t have as much time to visit me, coupled with the fact for two years I have planned (and paid) for every trip. I’m slightly more distant for a few days, but when she has to go to an MRI and turns out she has a litany of back problems, I’m there for her. She would text me in pain every morning, called me sobbing after her mri results two weeks ago. She also starts her new job around Memorial Day; I figure between the intense back pain and the stress of the new job, she’s busy. We go days without phone talking, yet just a few weeks earlier I’d spend hours a day on the phone with her. I think something is off but she did say “I’m so busy I don’t even want to talk to my parents when I get home.” I know the feeling well so of course I just give her space. I rarely use social media, I logged onto Instagram and noticed her newest picture and my heart sank. The guy she tried cheating with a year and half ago liked it. He now follows her and she follows him. I’m in shock. I call her and she keeps me waiting for 90 minutes before she calls back. I said how could you associate with him? You literally promised to me you wouldn’t? Her best friend was hooking up with a guy cheating on his gf for a year and allllllllll my gf did was bash it and talk about how morally repugnant it was...what was her reply now? “I don’t care”. She goes on to clarify that what she did a year and a half ago wasn’t “real” cheating but “emotional” cheating. I tell her that’s cosmo Snapchat story bullshit. And that when she started going into how she wanted to break up. It was an exact repeat of what happened a year and a half ago: huge fight ensures with her mom, she looks for attention from other guys and tries to break up. She says the biggest issue is that I don’t want to spend time with her family. Second issue how she wants to live by her family. And third, the how much fighting we’ve been doing lately. What I’m about to say is mean and unfair. I don’t like it, but I’m trying to be honest in this post: I’ve given her family more time and opportunities than any other guy would put up with. Second, I’ve told her multiple times: I don’t care where we live, but it’s ridiculous to plan your whole life just so you can stay around parents who treat you like shit (and like I’ve told her: your mom should be moving where you go!). As for her third point, yeah there have been a lot of fights...but don’t you realize 98% of them stem from/involve your mother in some way? I should add, my gf is a regular smoker and hasn’t smoked weed in about two months (even though she’s had her job for three weeks now, I feel like her mom still has her scared about it) So... I’m just sort of taken aback on every level. It feels like the same thing from a year and a half ago is happening all over again; and the thing that kills me is how GOOD and supportive I am to her. I swear I don’t mean it as hubris I’m just being honest: I’ve been there every step of the way with her, I’ve been her one steady, consistent rock; I’ve never had anything but her best interests in mind. It’s like...it’s the principle at this point: you’re trying to break up with me? Is this a joke? Clearly I’m a fool for going along with this, but you have to understand there are about 10,000 little examples that gave me hope, that made me think maybe things would improve- and, for a while, seemed to be clear evidence it was, like all the times she said she wanted to move in with me. I feel like for many months it was headed that way, and all came crashing down recently. So many of the posts I see here involve supportive significant others who know how bad the situation is...How can someone who has it so much worse than many of the stories I’ve read here (not that it’s a contest, just comparatively speaking) still defend everything her mom does and spurn all the times I’ve been her shoulder to cry on? Is my gf’s callous behavior coming from within or a product of all this maternal discord? TL;DR: long list of examples of FMIL crazy behavio summary of current fighting between us going on the last month or two/ culminating in my gf talking to guy she cheated with and trying to end things. I feel like my gf’s cold and hurtful behavior has her mother at its roots.
Two years of enduring my [30m] gf’s [23f] defense of her mom’s horrid behavior is deteriorating our relationship...now she’s talking with a guy she tried cheating on me with
My first post was removed for containing a link. I tried again and it was locked for using a synonym of “complain” that starts with a B and end with H. I hope this suffices Backstory/ first post from Oct 2017 My gf and I have been in a long distance relationship for two years ago. I’m 30, she’s almost 24. I wrote this about 6 months into our relationship (couldn’t remember old account password): [now in comments because I guess I can’t include it here]. it’s a doozy. Long, long story short it was looking for advice not only on various crazy outbursts including knife-wielding, but on my gf’s mom controlling her life. Her mom can’t understand my relationship is with my gf, not her. Things worked out for a month or so after writing that...until my gf said she wanted to end things. A few weeks after that, I fly out at the holidays and we work things out. It was during this visit I found out for over a month while we were together she had not only been on tinder talking to other guys and having explicit conversations, but trying to meet up with a few. I was devastated by what I saw. Really crushed. One of the guys had a gf at the time and they were both talking about keeping it a secret, etc. This asshole will return later in the story. But I forgave her. I let her know it could never happen again though, and the guys you tried meeting with need to be out of your life. We get back together and a year and a half later, here we are. Before I go into the story prompting this post, let me give a rundown of the litany of terrible things that have happened, most in the last 1.5 yrs since writing my original post: Examples
Her mom is a bad gambling addict. She lives for the casino, they are insanely in debt, and it affects my gf daily, yet my gf can’t see the forest through the leaves. 99% of the world would realize how huge this is, but to my gf, it’s almost become so normalized it’s a non-issue
I can’t tell you how many times she’s cancelled my gf’s phone service to punish her; and then turns it on 45 min later
Calling her incessantly; many times a day, and when my gf doesn’t pick up she will call 15, 20 times in a row til she does. Even when we were traveling in Europe (she studied abroad in Italy a semester), instead of enjoying the trip my gf was crying about what her mom was saying to her
She skipped class so we could stop in Pompeii and Sorento on my first weekend visiting (we were coming back from Amalfi). Her mom flipped out: texted me saying she’s calling the police that I kidnapped her daughter, she proceeded to call the school and all gf’s friends that her daughter was missing
Mom’s attitude during fights: physical violence (throwing things like remotes), threatening to or saying she already called the police, at least twice she took out a KNIFE and brandished it
The mom cries wolf often: last summer the mom is complaining she needs to go to the hospital, dad is sick of her crying wolf and ignores her. She then nonstop is badgering my gf all morning to take her and my gf is refusing. Turns out nothing was wrong of course, but guess what? Her dad who refused to take mom yelled at my gf for doing the same thing
Gf’s dad and grandma (mom’s mom) are the two biggest enablers I think I’ve ever seen. They are complete and total pushovers for the mom’s tirades.
I can’t tell you how many times her mom has called her home to “talk with her” in the middle of my visit, obviously stealing my time from her
Gf is constantly at the mom’s beck and call: from driving 2 hours to the coast without a thank you when her mom lost her car keys in a casino, to rushing a beautiful picnic my gf were having at Gettysburg, to having us miss an event that ended at 4 pm so gf could vacuum floor and clean counters (she actually said “I’m letting your bf stay here you so you have to do what I say!”) when she could have easily done the chores anytime that night
Many times I’ve tried to have my gf visit she can’t because she has to “watch the dog for the weekend” while the mom goes to the casino (they’ve had neighbors watch dog, their cousin has a dog, they’ve used kennel multiple times, I showed gf an awesome dog sitting service (that I would pay for), but nothing was good enough (frankly, I think my gf was too afraid to run the ideas by her mom)
Conversely, her mom cuts my gf’s visits to me short, like having her come home Saturday instead of Sunday saying my gf has to be “well rested” for school Monday...yet one of these return weekends she wanted her to go on a late night Sunday bus trip to Atlantic City (so, spending Sunday with your bf before flying back is worse than spending the night out gambling?)
She’s said NASTY things about me, mocking me any way she can.
Only giving her two grand for an entire 4 month study abroad semester and complaining about money constantly (yet gf made sure to take thank you pictures for them everywhere we went...I spent over 10,000 on her in the month and a half I was there. No thank you from my gf.
Her mom has said “your bf never thanked us for letting you guys stay at [gf’s deceased grandma’s trailer]...where’s my thank you for spending 10,000 giving your daughter the European trip of a lifetime?
For as in debt as they are, her and her parents went to an 8,000 destination wedding in the Bahamas for her cousin...8,000 for 5 days. Like the mom’s gambling addiction, my gf failed to see what a huge problem this was
For Christmas she wanted a new palate, I got her $200 in Sephora makeup kits. She got me a card and a clearance sweater. She forgot them at home.
For her birthday I got her an expensive opal ring completing her opal collection (all the other pieces except her grandma’s necklace I bought). She got me a card and a t shirt with her school logo (compare this to an ex who got me a custom made photo of me and my grandfather). She forgot the card again.
The money, oh my god, the money they take from my gf. They nickel and dime her for everything, everything- yet constantly demand to “borrow” money, her mom has made her multiple times to go to the bank just so gf can transfer her $10. I have to pay for everything with my gf because she never has money.
In two years of dating she has never paid or planned for a visit, I have to do everything
Her parents made gf sign a contract saying she won’t ever move away and will pay back all parents loans
Kicked me out of the house (requiring me get a last minute motel) in the middle of my visit because she “needed space”. She’s said this multiple times yet...
...yet she constantly says “I don’t even know your bf, I never spend time with your bf!”. So which is it??? Every time in the last two years I’ve visited her I’ve stayed at there house, I’ve went out to eat with them dozens of times, I’ve been to numerous family events, a week long stay in the mountains with her whole dad’s side family. Is this not average,if not above-and-beyond? Is it crazy for a long distance bf to want to prioritize time with his gf?
Zero sense of boundaries: we stayed at her aunts house for a few days in summer. In the middle of the day unexpectedly she comes while I am swimming naked in the pool. They unexpectedly popped in about 8 more times that week.
No less than a dozen times (seriously) she’s said she wanted to move to my state. Ask her about it now? That was a lie and she’d never do that in a million years. She wants to die a block away from the house she was born in to spend time with cousins she only sees twice a year
I earnestly believe the mom is the root cause of 98% of the discord in our relationship. And it’s not like I fight her back, or say anything to her face.
You know how boomers annoyingly complain about kids being on social media all the time? It’s true in the case of my gf, she is literally addicted to Instagram and Snapchat
Her mom has wanted to know my salary and what I pay in student loans.
Her mom is controlling her relationships. That’s not right. In the post I made a year and a half ago I said “she shows no signs of her mother’s traits at all”. It’s taken a complete 180. Yes, she’s still amazing with kids and all the other stuff I liked, etc, but the single biggest thing her mom does, saying she wants X then moments later reversing and saying she wants Y, is something I see a lot in my gf now. Recent events prompting this post Pre-Visit The recent chain of events: last three visits in a row were flying to see me (thanksgiving break, after Christmas, and in March) because as I tried telling her, once she starts working in summer it will be difficult for her to take long periods off and far easier for me to visit her (working from home). Next planned visit perfectly coincided with her graduation and early summer: I’d fly out to her, we would go to a cabin in Gettysburg for my birthday, do half a week in Atlantic City to celebrate graduation, then after graduation day her mom got a free stay in a casino in Maryland for the weekend as her graduation present (ugh) and then we would fly back to my place together to spend a week. Maryland and my place never ended up happening. During this time my gf was applying to grad school, hoping to get into a one year program because she said she couldn’t afford two yr. It became a sort of tug of war between me and her mom: me encouraging grad school (even 2 yr programs) and her mom demanding she start working right away. Long story, well, it shouldn’t surprise you who she listened to. So what was once her mom yelling at my gf about not going to grad school became yelling about getting a job. Things take a new turn when two weeks before I were to leave, her mom goes through everything in her room: she read through every single private letter, note, picture, memento, anything (and there’s a lot) that my gf has from me. My gf smokes a good amount of weed and I sent her rolling papers (the very very legal kind you can get at any corner gas station). Her mom flips out, my gf has to stay with friends for a few days. Her mom calls me, calls MY mom, and messages a police chief friend of hers (later says this never happened but I saw the screenshots and it looked legit) that I’m a drug dealer. At this point I’m not mad, I’m scared. The women who’s shown she consistently cries wolf now might try to get me in trouble for something that is a TOTAL fabrication? In her text to me she said I can forget about Maryland and staying at there house. So, for the weekend in between Gettysburg and Atlantic City I arrange to stay at my buddy’s house, and get my ticket to return right after her graduation, skipping the Maryland weekend. The mom’s crocodile tears got my gf. EVERY day for two weeks prior to leaving every conversation would devolve into pouting “why can’t you come to Maryland”? We literally couldn’t even plan Gettysburg, Atlantic City, or graduation details because she refused to move on past Maryland. I tried explaining: with the INTENSE episode that’s happened the last few weeks, don’t you think a little space is a good thing? I have all summer, The rest of my life to spend time with them. Serious shit just went down and considering past history (not to mention how busy we will be with my birthday and your grad celebrating) it’s ok to skip this weekend- not to mention I already bought my ticket. Then it became “why can’t you call my mom and apologize?” She wanted me to call her parents and apologize because her parents went through her stuff and all my private mementos and accused me of heinous deeds. I was in disbelief. But my gf was so, SO dead set. I relented and called them: the call lasted 90 seconds. I said one sentence (about how she dug through her daughters stuff), she flipped out, and hung up on me. My gf briefly sides with me then a day later is back to pouting, “why can’t you call my parents againnn?” Long story short I did. We talked fine about nothing new (“we just want to get to know you more”, etc) and I explained how going off what she told me, I purchased my ticket to come back before the Maryland weekend. During the visit My gf still pouts until the day I leave. The first day we are together is wonderful as always, but then the fights start again. The first one on day 2 was small (me wanting to spend time at her place while her parents are gone) but then my birthday the next day another fight erupts. I was annoyed how the whole day she kept making quips like (I’m paraphrasing), “better do what you want on your birthday today because tomorrow is back to normal!”, contrast that to what I do for her, calling it a birthWEEK and try to make the whole week special for her. Sex the night of my birthday is a disaster, a huge fight erupts and I’m shaken to the core: it would be bad enough anytime but on my birthday? The next day she barely says a word until about 3pm; then things go back to normal for a couple days. The night we left I planned a beautiful sunset picnic overlooking the whole park, but her mom keeps badgering her via text the whole time, “why haven’t you left yet?!”. A girl in her mid-20s can’t make decisions on her own? I spend the weekend at my friends, we have fun. Gf is at home and guess what- her mom is having another fit. I have her admit that had I stayed there, things would have just been worse. The next few days in Atlantic City is relatively fine but at this point I’m not happy. I’m demoralized and disheartened. I was grumpy twice that I can remember, about little things. Twice we had to go to the bank that week to send her mom winnings (we don’t gamble but casinos have “free play” so of course we used it). Graduation is fine, wonderful actually: I’m so, so proud of her. I make sure to get about 1,000 photos on my nice camera of her (her family just had cell phones.) Post-visit up to now Remember how after Maryland she was going to come visit me for a week before starting work? I wanted to prioritize spending time with her on my visit so I waited to plan her visit til I returned. Instead of seeing me around Memorial Day (when I had off, it worked out perfectly), her mom got her a room in Atlantic City (you have to gamble a lot to get comped rooms on a holiday weekend). Instead of seeing me on a perfect, free week, she did something she can do literally any weekend this summer. I was not happy. I told her how she’s going to be starting work and won’t have as much time to visit me, coupled with the fact for two years I have planned (and paid) for every trip. I’m slightly more distant for a few days, but when she has to go to an MRI and turns out she has a litany of back problems, I’m there for her. She would text me in pain every morning, called me sobbing after her mri results two weeks ago. She also starts her new job around Memorial Day; I figure between the intense back pain and the stress of the new job, she’s busy. We go days without phone talking, yet just a few weeks earlier I’d spend hours a day on the phone with her. I think something is off but she did say “I’m so busy I don’t even want to talk to my parents when I get home.” I know the feeling well so of course I just give her space. I rarely use social media, I logged onto Instagram and noticed her newest picture and my heart sank. The guy she tried cheating with a year and half ago liked it. He now follows her and she follows him. I’m in shock. I call her and she keeps me waiting for 90 minutes before she calls back. I said how could you associate with him? You literally promised to me you wouldn’t? Her best friend was hooking up with a guy cheating on his gf for a year and allllllllll my gf did was bash it and talk about how morally repugnant it was...what was her reply now? “I don’t care”. She goes on to clarify that what she did a year and a half ago wasn’t “real” cheating but “emotional” cheating. I tell her that’s cosmo Snapchat story bullshit. And that when she started going into how she wanted to break up. It was an exact repeat of what happened a year and a half ago: huge fight ensures with her mom, she looks for attention from other guys and tries to break up. She says the biggest issue is that I don’t want to spend time with her family. Second issue how she wants to live by her family. And third, the how much fighting we’ve been doing lately. What I’m about to say is mean and unfair. I don’t like it, but I’m trying to be honest in this post: I’ve given her family more time and opportunities than any other guy would put up with. Second, I’ve told her multiple times: I don’t care where we live, but it’s ridiculous to plan your whole life just so you can stay around parents who treat you like shit (and like I’ve told her: your mom should be moving where you go!). As for her third point, yeah there have been a lot of fights...but don’t you realize 98% of them stem from/involve your mother in some way? I should add, my gf is a regular smoker and hasn’t smoked weed in about two months (even though she’s had her job for three weeks now, I feel like her mom still has her scared about it) So... I’m just sort of taken aback on every level. It feels like the same thing from a year and a half ago is happening all over again; and the thing that kills me is how GOOD and supportive I am to her. I swear I don’t mean it as hubris I’m just being honest: I’ve been there every step of the way with her, I’ve been her one steady, consistent rock; I’ve never had anything but her best interests in mind. It’s like...it’s the principle at this point: you’re trying to break up with me? Is this a joke? Clearly I’m a fool, but you have to understand there are about 10,000 little examples that gave me hope, that made me think maybe things would improve- and, for a while, seemed to be clear evidence it was, like all the times she said she wanted to move in with me. I feel like for many months it was headed that way, and all came crashing down recently. Am I dealing with someone just emotionally stunted? How can someone who has it so bad still defend everything her mom does and spurn all the times I’ve been her shoulder to cry on? How can she be so cold and talk to a guy she knows she broke my heart with? TL;DR: long list of examples of FMIL crazy behavio summary of current fighting between us going on the last month or two, culminating in my gf talking to guy she cheated with and trying to end things. I feel like my gf’s cold and hurtful behavior has her mother at its roots.
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Two years of enduring my [30m] gf’s [23f] defense of her mom’s horrid behavior is deteriorating our relationship...now she’s talking with a guy she tried cheating on me with
Backstory/ first post from Oct 2017 My gf and I have been in a long distance relationship for two years ago. I’m 30, she’s almost 24. I wrote this about 6 months into our relationship (couldn’t remember old account password): [now in comments because the relationships subreddit made me remove it so I figured I’d do it here too]. ...it’s a doozy. Long, long story short it was looking for advice not only on various crazy outbursts including knife-wielding, but on my gf’s mom controlling her life. Her mom can’t understand my relationship is with my gf, not her. Things worked out for a month or so after writing that...until my gf said she wanted to end things. A few weeks after that, I fly out at the holidays and we work things out. It was during this visit I found out for over a month while we were together she had not only been on tinder talking to other guys and having explicit conversations, but trying to meet up with a few. I was devastated by what I saw. Really crushed. One of the guys had a gf at the time and they were both talking about keeping it a secret, etc. This asshole will return later in the story. But I forgave her. I let her know it could never happen again though, and the guys you tried meeting with need to be out of your life. We get back together and a year and a half later, here we are. Before I go into the story prompting this post, let me give a rundown of the litany of terrible things that have happened, most in the last 1.5 yrs since writing my original post: Examples
Her mom is a bad gambling addict. She lives for the casino, they are insanely in debt, and it affects my gf daily, yet my gf can’t see the forest through the leaves. 99% of the world would realize how huge this is, but to my gf, it’s almost become so normalized it’s a non-issue
I can’t tell you how many times she’s cancelled my gf’s phone service to punish her; and then turns it on 45 min later
Calling her incessantly; many times a day, and when my gf doesn’t pick up she will call 15, 20 times in a row til she does. Even when we were traveling in Europe (she studied abroad in Italy a semester), instead of enjoying the trip my gf was crying about what her mom was saying to her
She skipped class so we could stop in Pompeii and Sorento on my first weekend visiting (we were coming back from Amalfi). Her mom flipped out: texted me saying she’s calling the police that I kidnapped her daughter, she proceeded to call the school and all gf’s friends that her daughter was missing
Mom’s attitude during fights: physical violence (throwing things like remotes), threatening to or saying she already called the police, at least twice she took out a KNIFE and brandished it
The mom cries wolf often: last summer the mom is complaining she needs to go to the hospital, dad is sick of her crying wolf and ignores her. She then nonstop is badgering my gf all morning to take her and my gf is refusing. Turns out nothing was wrong of course, but guess what? Her dad who refused to take mom yelled at my gf for doing the same thing
Gf’s dad and grandma (mom’s mom) are the two biggest enablers I think I’ve ever seen. They are complete and total pushovers for the mom’s tirades.
I can’t tell you how many times her mom has called her home to “talk with her” in the middle of my visit, obviously stealing my time from her
Gf is constantly at the mom’s beck and call: from driving 2 hours to the coast without a thank you when her mom lost her car keys in a casino, to rushing a beautiful picnic my gf were having at Gettysburg, to having us miss an event that ended at 4 pm so gf could vacuum floor and clean counters (she actually said “I’m letting your bf stay here you so you have to do what I say!”) when she could have easily done the chores anytime that night
Many times I’ve tried to have my gf visit she can’t because she has to “watch the dog for the weekend” while the mom goes to the casino (they’ve had neighbors watch dog, their cousin has a dog, they’ve used kennel multiple times, I showed gf an awesome dog sitting service (that I would pay for), but nothing was good enough (frankly, I think my gf was too afraid to run the ideas by her mom)
Conversely, her mom cuts my gf’s visits to me short, like having her come home Saturday instead of Sunday saying my gf has to be “well rested” for school Monday...yet one of these return weekends she wanted her to go on a late night Sunday bus trip to Atlantic City (so, spending Sunday with your bf before flying back is worse than spending the night out gambling?)
She’s said NASTY things about me, mocking me any way she can.
Only giving her two grand for an entire 4 month study abroad semester and bitching about money constantly (yet gf made sure to take thank you pictures for them everywhere we went...I spent over 10,000 on her in the month and a half I was there. No thank you from my gf.
Her mom has said “your bf never thanked us for letting you guys stay at [gf’s deceased grandma’s trailer]...where’s my thank you for spending 10,000 giving your daughter the European trip of a lifetime?
For as in debt as they are, her and her parents went to an 8,000 destination wedding in the Bahamas for her cousin...8,000 for 5 days. Like the mom’s gambling addiction, my gf failed to see what a huge problem this was
For Christmas she wanted a new palate, I got her $200 in Sephora makeup kits. She got me a card and a clearance sweater. She forgot them at home.
For her birthday I got her an expensive opal ring completing her opal collection (all the other pieces except her grandma’s necklace I bought). She got me a card and a t shirt with her school logo (compare this to an ex who got me a custom made photo of me and my grandfather). She forgot the card again.
The money, oh my god, the money they take from my gf. They nickel and dime her for everything, everything- yet constantly demand to “borrow” money, her mom has made her multiple times to go to the bank just so gf can transfer her $10. I have to pay for everything with my gf because she never has money.
In two years of dating she has never paid or planned for a visit, I have to do everything
Her parents made gf sign a contract saying she won’t ever move away and will pay back all parents loans
Kicked me out of the house (requiring me get a last minute motel) in the middle of my visit because she “needed space”. She’s said this multiple times yet...
...yet she constantly says “I don’t even know your bf, I never spend time with your bf!”. So which is it??? Every time in the last two years I’ve visited her I’ve stayed at there house, I’ve went out to eat with them dozens of times, I’ve been to numerous family events, a week long stay in the mountains with her whole dad’s side family. Is this not average,if not above-and-beyond? Is it crazy for a long distance bf to want to prioritize time with his gf?
Zero sense of boundaries: we stayed at her aunts house for a few days in summer. In the middle of the day unexpectedly she comes while I am swimming naked in the pool. They unexpectedly popped in about 8 more times that week.
No less than a dozen times (seriously) she’s said she wanted to move to my state. Ask her about it now? That was a lie and she’d never do that in a million years. She wants to die a block away from the house she was born in to spend time with cousins she only sees twice a year
I earnestly believe the mom is the root cause of 98% of the discord in our relationship. And it’s not like I fight her back, or say anything to her face.
You know how boomers annoyingly complain about kids being on social media all the time? It’s true in the case of my gf, she is literally addicted to Instagram and Snapchat
Her mom has wanted to know my salary and what I pay in student loans.
Her mom is controlling her relationships. That’s not right. In the post I made a year and a half ago I said “she shows no signs of her mother’s traits at all”. It’s taken a complete 180. Yes, she’s still amazing with kids and all the other stuff I liked, etc, but the single biggest thing her mom does, saying she wants X then moments later reversing and saying she wants Y, is something I see a lot in my gf now. Recent events prompting this post Pre-Visit The recent chain of events: last three visits in a row were flying to see me (thanksgiving break, after Christmas, and in March) because as I tried telling her, once she starts working in summer it will be difficult for her to take long periods off and far easier for me to visit her (working from home). Next planned visit perfectly coincided with her graduation and early summer: I’d fly out to her, we would go to a cabin in Gettysburg for my birthday, do half a week in Atlantic City to celebrate graduation, then after graduation day her mom got a free stay in a casino in Maryland for the weekend as her graduation present (ugh) and then we would fly back to my place together to spend a week. Maryland and my place never ended up happening. During this time Emily was applying to grad school, hoping to get into a one year program because she said she couldn’t afford two yr. It became a sort of tug of war between me and her mom: me encouraging grad school (even 2 yr programs) and her mom demanding she start working right away. Long story, well, it shouldn’t surprise you who she listened to. So what was once her mom yelling at my gf about not going to grad school became yelling about getting a job. Things take a new turn when two weeks before I were to leave, her mom goes through everything in her room: she read through every single private letter, note, picture, memento, anything (and there’s a lot) that my gf has from me. My gf smokes a good amount of weed and I sent her rolling papers (the very very legal kind you can get at any corner gas station). Her mom flips out, my gf has to stay with friends for a few days. Her mom calls me, calls MY mom, and messages a police chief friend of hers (later says this never happened but I saw the screenshots and it looked legit) that I’m a drug dealer. At this point I’m not mad, I’m scared. The women who’s shown she consistently cries wolf now might try to get me in trouble for something that is a TOTAL fabrication? In her text to me she said I can forget about Maryland and staying at there house. So, for the weekend in between Gettysburg and Atlantic City I arrange to stay at my buddy’s house, and get my ticket to return right after her graduation, skipping the Maryland weekend. The mom’s crocodile tears got my gf. EVERY day for two weeks prior to leaving every conversation would devolve into pouting “why can’t you come to Maryland”? We literally couldn’t even plan Gettysburg, Atlantic City, or graduation details because she refused to move on past Maryland. I tried explaining: with the INTENSE episode that’s happened the last few weeks, don’t you think a little space is a good thing? I have all summer, The rest of my life to spend time with them. Serious shit just went down and considering past history (not to mention how busy we will be with my birthday and your grad celebrating) it’s ok to skip this weekend- not to mention I already bought my ticket. Then it became “why can’t you call my mom and apologize?” She wanted me to call her parents and apologize because her parents went through her stuff and all my private mementos and accused me of heinous deeds. I was in disbelief. But my gf was so, SO dead set. I relented and called them: the call lasted 90 seconds. I said one sentence (about how she dug through her daughters stuff), she flipped out, and hung up on me. My gf briefly sides with me then a day later is back to pouting, “why can’t you call my parents againnn?” Long story short I did. We talked fine about nothing new (“we just want to get to know you more”, etc) and I explained how going off what she told me, I purchased my ticket to come back before the Maryland weekend. During the visit My gf still pouts until the day I leave. The first day we are together is wonderful as always, but then the fights start again. The first one on day 2 was small (me wanting to spend time at her place while her parents are gone) but then my birthday the next day another fight erupts. I was annoyed how the whole day she kept making quips like (I’m paraphrasing), “better do what you want on your birthday today because tomorrow is back to normal!”, contrast that to what I do for her, calling it a birthWEEK and try to make the whole week special for her. Sex the night of my birthday is a disaster, a huge fight erupts and I’m shaken to the core: it would be bad enough anytime but on my birthday? The next day she barely says a word until about 3pm; then things go back to normal for a couple days. The night we left I planned a beautiful sunset picnic overlooking the whole park, but her mom keeps badgering her via text the whole time, “why haven’t you left yet?!”. A girl in her mid-20s can’t make decisions on her own? I spend the weekend at my friends, we have fun. Gf is at home and guess what- her mom is having another fit. I have her admit that had I stayed there, things would have just been worse. The next few days in Atlantic City is relatively fine but at this point I’m not happy. I’m demoralized and disheartened. I was grumpy twice that I can remember, about little things. Twice we had to go to the bank that week to send her mom winnings (we don’t gamble but casinos have “free play” so of course we used it). Graduation is fine, wonderful actually: I’m so, so proud of her. I make sure to get about 1,000 photos on my nice camera of her (her family just had cell phones.) Post-visit up to now Remember how after Maryland she was going to come visit me for a week before starting work? I wanted to prioritize spending time with her on my visit so I waited to plan her visit til I returned. Instead of seeing me around Memorial Day (when I had off, it worked out perfectly), her mom got her a room in Atlantic City (you have to gamble a lot to get comped rooms on a holiday weekend). Instead of seeing me on a perfect, free week, she did something she can do literally any weekend this summer. I was not happy. I told her how she’s going to be starting work and won’t have as much time to visit me, coupled with the fact for two years I have planned (and paid) for every trip. I’m slightly more distant for a few days, but when she has to go to an MRI and turns out she has a litany of back problems, I’m there for her. She would text me in pain every morning, called me sobbing after her mri results two weeks ago. She also starts her new job around Memorial Day; I figure between the intense back pain and the stress of the new job, she’s busy. We go days without phone talking, yet just a few weeks earlier I’d spend hours a day on the phone with her. I think something is off but she did say “I’m so busy I don’t even want to talk to my parents when I get home.” I know the feeling well so of course I just give her space. I rarely use social media, I logged onto Instagram and noticed her newest picture and my heart sank. The guy she tried cheating with a year and half ago liked it. He now follows her and she follows him. I’m in shock. I call her and she keeps me waiting for 90 minutes before she calls back. I said how could you associate with him? You literally promised to me you wouldn’t? Her best friend was hooking up with a guy cheating on his gf for a year and allllllllll my gf did was bash it and talk about how morally repugnant it was...what was her reply now? “I don’t care”. She goes on to clarify that what she did a year and a half ago wasn’t “real” cheating but “emotional” cheating. I tell her that’s cosmo Snapchat story bullshit. And that when she started going into how she wanted to break up. It was an exact repeat of what happened a year and a half ago: huge fight ensures with her mom, she looks for attention from other guys and tries to break up. She says the biggest issue is that I don’t want to spend time with her family. Second issue how she wants to live by her family. And third, the how much fighting we’ve been doing lately. What I’m about to say is mean and unfair. I don’t like it, but I’m trying to be honest in this post: I’ve given her family more time and opportunities than any other guy would put up with. Second, I’ve told her multiple times: I don’t care where we live, but it’s ridiculous to plan your whole life just so you can stay around parents who treat you like shit (and like I’ve told her: your mom should be moving where you go!). As for her third point, yeah there have been a lot of fights...but don’t you realize 98% of them stem from/involve your mother in some way? I should add, my gf is a regular smoker and hasn’t smoked weed in about two months (even though she’s had her job for three weeks now, I feel like her mom still has her scared about it) So... I’m just sort of taken aback on every level. It feels like the same thing from a year and a half ago is happening all over again; and the thing that kills me is how GOOD and supportive I am to her. I swear I don’t mean it as hubris I’m just being honest: I’ve been there every step of the way with her, I’ve been her one steady, consistent rock; I’ve never had anything but her best interests in mind. It’s like...it’s the principle at this point: you’re trying to break up with me? Is this a joke? Clearly I’m a fool, but you have to understand there are about 10,000 little examples that gave me hope, that made me think maybe things would improve- and, for a while, seemed to be clear evidence it was, like all the times she said she wanted to move in with me. I feel like for many months it was headed that way, and all came crashing down recently. Am I dealing with someone just emotionally stunted? How can someone who has it so bad still defend everything her mom does and spurn all the times I’ve been her shoulder to cry on? How can she be so cold and talk to a guy she knows she broke my heart with? TL;DR: long list of examples of FMIL crazy behavio summary of current fighting between us going on the last month or two, culminating in my gf talking to guy she cheated with and trying to end things. I feel like my gf’s cold and hurtful behavior has her mother at its roots.
MGM National Harbor, Maryland the newest casino on the east coast. Took a trip down there this weekend, to see what it was like (yes I know its a holiday weekend.) Regardless of that avoid this place like the plague and just go to P.A or hell even Atlantic City they sure do need the patronage. Lowest Blackjack Tables were $25.00 with 8 decks and they all have continuous shuffle machines so the rest of the crappy rules dont mattwr.. The tables were packed beyond belief so the layouts were blocked but I read the some of there lowest tables also pay 6:5. Next up they had $50.00 tables most with continuous shuffle machines and some delt from a shoe. It was not intill you got to the High limit room that they had all shoe games.
In January of 2001, I experienced my first taste of an MMO and I have never looked back. 4 years prior, in 1997 I was big into video games. I had a Playstation and throughout my years, I played mostly sports titles. I stuck with the NFL Madden series, the NHL series and Triple Play baseball series, all from EA Sports. For Christmas in 1997, I asked for a different type of game--Final Fantasy VII. I had read about this game in my newest copy of Game Players magazine and it had phenominal reviews. When Christmas morning came, there was the game and I was hooked. It felt like I was actively playing a character in a book. The story was amazing and I couldn't put the controller down. I became hooked on SquareSoft games and bought any that would come out after. Somehow or another, I found myself in the Arts and Entertainment section of America Online chatrooms and saw a room called Tifa1724's Place. Being a fan of FFVII and the fact that one of the main character was named Tifa, I checked out the room. I was amazed. There was a whole community of RPGers that had custom profiles, character backgrounds and typed out everything their character was doing. It was amazing. There were many other rooms like this, all with different game focuses. For a couple years, I participated in these rooms while also playing SquareSoft RPGs. Then, in my senior year of high school (2001), I was talking to a friend of mine who told me about Ultima Online. I picked up a copy at the Wal-Mart I worked at and loaded it up that evening. I was completely blown away. It was like everything I loved in the Arts and Entertainment chat rooms and SquareSoft RPGs in one game. I created my character on the Atlantic Shard, a swordsman named Seth Djinn and commenced to meet with my friend in Cove. I was in shock, there he was! He was in the game running around with me and killing stuff with me. I remember finding an ettin camp and we got absolutely destroyed. We ended up traveling from Cove to Britain and it was just so awesome. I played for the new character trial and then had to call it quits because I didn't have a credit card at the time to continue playing and my parents were not about putting their information on the internet (still a fairly new concept at the time for my older generation parents). A few months later during the summer, I got a credit card and re-activated my account. I had so much fun for the next few years. I joined a guild called Paladins of Light and they had a small tower located right outside of the mountain path going towards Despise. I spent countless hours in Despise leveling Tactics/Swordsmanship/Parry. We had guild meetings and did hunts together. It was so much fun. There was a female player named Jenocyde and we RP'd as a couple in the guild. I even bought the 10k diamond wedding set (2 rings and a necklace I believe) and we got married in the game. What was funny about this, was Jenocyde was actually married IRL to our GM of the guild. He actually didn't mind though and we weren't the dirty, cyber RPers found in so many games. What was even more cool, was Jenocyde and her husband actually liked to take trips with their son and they even stopped in my hometown and got a hotel room where we all met up for pizza and a movie. It was the only time in my life on any game where I met some of the people I played the game with. It was awesome and I wish I didn't lose contact with those folks. I would eventually move away from UO shortly after the Doom arty rush. I played many other MMOs over the years but found myself always heading back to UO for nostalgia reasons. I had 2 18x18s at different times in my gaming life but sadly, I let the last one go about 3 years ago when I finally stopped paying for my account. There is something to be said about a sandbox game. Being able to fully customize your home, put up vendors or even starting a vendor mall. Marking points and being able to recall is just so awesome. I remembered marking runes for each city and putting them in a book. Then I mass produced them and sold them. Some of my best memories were being in Paladins of Light, being in T4H (They had an awesome island guild house), being in LLTS which was a huge guild at the time. I also met an awesome female named Kero (in-game) who worked at a casino/nightclub spot in game. She contributed a lot to the Atlantic Shard over the years after I left and even had her home marked by the GMs in the game as a landmark. I could go on forever about UO but I think I have written enough for now. I still pull up the soundtrack from time to time and stream the music over whatever it is that I am doing. I even had "Stones" on repeat once while farming materials on World of Warcraft lol. I highly doubt anyone reading this remembers me as I wasn't exactly a well-known character at the usual bank sitting spot in Britain or Luna lol. But if any of you do remember me or any of the things I mentioned, feel free to stop by and say "Hi" :)
Build the Trump Memorial Now! by [email protected] (Jack Shafer) via POLITICO - TOP Stories URL: http://ift.tt/2tSlvdx Is it too soon to propose a President Donald Trump Memorial on the National Mall? President George Washington waited 49 years after his death for ground to be broken for his memorial and another 36 years for the spire’s completion. President Thomas Jefferson was dead 117 years and President Abraham Lincoln 57 years before receiving their honors in stone. President Franklin D. Roosevelt spent 52 years on hold. A spot along the Mall has been reserved for President Dwight D. Eisenhower, dead 48 years, but what good is the dedicated real estate doing him? The feds have blown more than $40 million on the hamstrung project, a Frank Gehry-designed atrocity, and nobody knows when it will be built. Some might say, Why can’t it wait? Nobody can deny that Trump is as pioneering president who has ever inhabited the White House. He’s the first president to own social media. He’s our first true citizen-president, elected without a day of public service to his name. To those who carp that he hasn’t much in the way of accomplishment to show for his first five-plus months in office, hey, it’s early yet! Proceeding on the assumption that 62,984,825 voters can’t be wrong, and that he’ll eventually sweep something of real consequence into his presidency, it’s not too early to start designing a granite, marble, and bluestone salute to the man. And one more thing: He’s colossally impatient: He’d want this thing to go up in a hurry, like Wolman Rink revisited. If we get cracking now on a Trump memorial, we could dedicate it as his first term ends. A president as unique as Trump deserves a memorial that’s hugely unique. So what would it look like? A few modest proposals: The Fairway to Heaven The most natural fit for his presidency would be a memorial with a golf theme. In the first 165 days of his presidency, Trump has spent 36 of them on one of his golf properties, driving on a green, and blinding the traveling press pool to his swing by sticking them in a basement room with blacked out windows. Trump has a way of turning his negatives—a foul mouth, a boorish manner, a short attention span—into positives. He could do the same with his golf habit, which the commentariat can’t stop complaining about, but his votaries clearly don’t mind. Never mind the pedestrian 18-hole course tucked nearby in East Potomac Park. A champion golf course would, in true Trumpian fashion, sprawl across the whole place. The Mall’s 146 acres would make a superb wooded, scenic course, with ample room for a several double dogleg par 5 holes. Existing water hazards—the Lincoln Memorial Reflecting Pool, the Jefferson Memorial’s Tidal Basin, and Constitution Gardens—could be incorporated into the course, as could the Potomac River, adjacent to West Potomac Park. Tiber Creek, which once ran from the foot of Capitol Hill to the Potomac, was rerouted to a sewer tunnel in the late 1800s. It could be reopened to give the Trump Memorial additional aquatic grandeur, putting the “hazard” back into water hazard. Convert the swale that forms the Vietnam Veterans Memorial into a grand sand trap. Obviously, the flat-as-a-fritter greenway would have to be terraformed to add the contours a top-quality course must have, which shouldn’t be a problem because so much of the Mall is already landfill. And for a clubhouse—well, the White House has a perfect location, and could double for a suburban country club anyway. The “Mine’s Bigger” Tower Should a golf course be considered too intrusive, we could scout other Mall locations. In his essential guide to the interconnected meanings of the Mall memorials, Charles L. Griswold Jr. sees the whole system as a form of “recollective architecture” through which we tell our nation’s story. All of the memorials radiate from the center marked by the Washington Monument, which symbolizes both the nation’s founding and its founder. The Lincoln and Jefferson memorials extend like “like planets in orbit around this obelisk.” Naturally, the monument they should be orbiting is Trump’s. Because everything with the Trump name on it must be—or claim to be—bigger than what has gone before, the Washington Monument will have to surrender its centrality and its spot to the bigger Trump Tower. The design specs for this one are pretty straightforward: Slightly more of everything. This newest Trump Tower needs to stand taller than the 555 feet and 5 1/8 inches of its competitor; if it’s going to be white, it should be whiter than the Washington Monument. If made of marble, only flawless extra virgin marble will do. (Or at least a veneer of it.) The real debate will be what happens to the Washington Monument itself—do we take the trouble to move it to a new location? Or just raze it, like Trump did to Bonwit Teller? Maybe one way to assuage the preservationists would be to cover the Washington Monument in just enough gold leaf to make it reflect the new Trump monument, and rebrand it with a subtle onyx “T.” The Conqueror of All Media Monuments often represent the triumphs of the men they commemorate—nearly every big Roman arch depicts some emperor’s defeat of a hated foe. For Trump, that enemy is clear. The perfect spot for the Trump Memorial would be next to the Canadian Embassy, near the U.S. Capitol. Yes, that’s where the Newseum currently stands; building on its ashes would signify Trump’s triumph over the pesky scribblers and yellers of the Fourth Estate. Something domed, Roman style, would echo the imperial Trump style and harmonize with the other domes (Jefferson, Capitol, National Gallery, et al.) that decorate the city’s monumental core. Domed, but bigger. A statute of Trump in toga and scandals, perhaps, place at its center, with fast food wrappers scattered at his feet—a symbol of his prolitarian cred, and an actual record of his eating habits. Many presidential memorials enshrine their man with inspiring quotations he’s uttered or written. Trump’s most famous tweets and other lines (“Grab them by the pussy. You can do anything”; “Fake media”; “You’re fired!”; “Frederick Douglass is an example of somebody who’s done an amazing job and is getting recognized more and more, I notice”) could be chiseled into his shrine. And most gratifyingly, building on the Newseum site would permanently expunge the giant copy of the First Amendment etched on its exterior. Pyramid Power! In 1978, as Chicago considered building a monument to its long-time mayor and despot, Richard J. Daley, one proposal came from Chicago Sun-Times columnist Mike Royko. His solution was as elegant as it was fitting: He proposed a two-mile high statue of Daley placed two miles off the Chicago coastline in Lake Michigan. At sunrise, the giant Daley would rise from its submerged depths; at sunset it would disappear under the waters. During the day it would rotate 180 degrees to reveal a giant mistletoe on his rump at which citizens could throw kisses. This approach might be too subtle for Trump, but it’s a start. Perhaps the fullest expression of Trumpian grandiosity currently exists in Ashgabat, Turkmenistan, where longtime strongman Saparmurat Niyazov transformed the capital into a white-and-gold monument to Saparmurat Niyazov. It includes the “Arch of Neutrality“ (topped with a giant statue of Niyazov), “Giant Ruhnama“ (a large sculpture of his unreadable book), “The Independence Monument“ (augmented with another Niyazov statute), and “The Walk of Health,” an uphill trail that the president forced his government members to walk, as he ascended to the top by helicopter. To do the Trump presidency justice, a mere memorial on the Mall, or even series of memorials, would not suffice. Griswold notes that in 1783 the House voted to build a mausoleum shaped like a pyramid to honor Washington, but the Senate did not concur. Why not revive the pyramid idea for Trump to connect his legacy to antiquity? A Trump Pyramid—taller than any structure in the DC area—could rise on the site of the current RFK Stadium, which lies right on the emblematic line that strings the Lincoln Memorial to the Washington Monument, the World War II Memorial, and the Capitol. The Trump Pyramid would be first to greet the first light of the rising sun, evoking his perpetually tanned face. The structure would contain a TV studio to honor his Apprentice years; an interactive diorama of his business, media, and political careers; a functioning casino to remember his Atlantic City years; a small, corrupt university; a constantly scrolling textual history of his tweets; and acres of shopping space for Trump-branded steaks, water, mattresses, ties, Ivanka shoes and jewelry, and whatever global enterprises his sons manage to launch during his reign. At the pyramid’s center, of course, would rest Trump’s preserved body, standing with thumbs up—a vertical version of Lenin’s Mausoleum. On weekdays they could dress him in a suit and long red tie; on weekends in golf garb. And every day they could rotate his gilded corpse to expose the mistletoe pinned to his butt. Let the design competition begin!
Eko Atlantic, one of the newest and greatest cities of Africa. Is home to many people of diverse backgrounds. Home to some of the fanciest cars in Nigeria, and some of the richest folks in Africa, it truly was one of the modern wonders of the continent. And on Eko Boulevard, one such character was speeding through traffic. Cue radio Driving a customized muscle car of an American make down Eko Boulevard with the radio blasting, was one of the many joys of being rich. And Mahd Scrilla knew a lot about being rich. Owner of the newest and greatest Casino in Nigeria, he was a man living the dream. And by dream, he was a man that was rich. Mahd Scrilla was just on his way to the Eko Atlantic Casino, when he was pulled over. "Sir, do you have any idea as to how fast you were going?" Questioned the officer "Well I would say I was going the legal amount." Stated Mahd Scrilla while handing the officer a coupon to his Casino Upon seeing the free coupon, the officer allowed Mahd Scrilla to leave without a ticket. However this officer would later be found guilty of corruption and sentenced to jail time no more then three weeks later. As Mahd Scrilla arrived at his Casino, he was greeted by his assistant, Linda. "Hello Mr. Scrilla, there are many important things to be done today. The owner of the Centenary Amusement Park is expected to arrive any day now." Stated Linda in his Baritone voice. "Ah yes, the head of Amusement as he so calls himself. When will he arrive exactly?" Questioned Mahd Scrilla "He is set to arrive tonight, infact he is making quite the show of it, flying out one of his nicest cars and other valuables to show off his wealth to us." Stated Linda "We mustn't let him out do us. Prepare the gold foods, cars and rooms. I will not be out done by the Head of Amusement." Stated Mahd Scrilla. "As you please sir." Replied Linda. The Head of Amusement, or Head for short, had brought with him, five colored turbans, three trophy wives and one trophy husband, 3 trophy dogs, two gold and red shoes, and a "fancy car" in order to show off his wealth. After exiting his private jet, he hopped into his car with his dogs, and partners, and drove down Eko Boulevard to the Casino. With the Radio blaring all the way Upon his arrival at the Casino, he was also greeted by Linda. And ushered inside, up several flights of stairs, down a hallway, turning left at the third door, and then finally arriving at the small private waiting room to meet with Mahd Scrilla. Soon they would discuss important issues. [m] First RP for Nigeria really. Just getting back into the swing of things.
Atlantic City has seen a dozen casinos open up over the 40-plus years New Jersey casino gambling has been legal.. Four of them ceased operations in 2014 and a fifth closed in 2016. At least one of those properties is now a non-gaming hotel and two others opened under different names. Several plans for the other two have been thrown at the wall, but none have stuck. It opened in July 2003 and was the newest Atlantic City casino until Revel opened in 2012. Revel has since shuttered, leaving Borgata as the most modern resort in Atlantic City. Borgata’s 2014 gaming revenue was up 4.2 percent compared to 2013. It was up 8.3 percent in 2015. Borgata is up 8.8 percent in 2016 for the first two months. "the casino is top notch the newest slots and very attractive looking casino the stores are nice and the flowers are always beautiful the comedy show was very funny and entertaining" "We have been there for a few shows both the event center and the music box theatre and set up well and a great place to see any singers or comics you enjoy seeing -- take some time out of the gambling and enjoy The boardwalk property, which opened in 1978 as the first casino in Atlantic City, was the city's seven-highest-performing casino last year. It brought in $173 million in revenue — up 6.7 U.S. News has identified top casino hotels in Atlantic City by taking into account amenities, reputation among professional travel experts, guest reviews and hotel class ratings. Atlantic City's newest casino will end its short run just as the the summer season comes to a close. The hotel will shut its doors 11 a.m. Sept. 1, which is Labor Day, while the casino will close One of our top picks in Atlantic City. Featuring an on-site casino and direct beach access, Resorts Casino Hotel Atlantic City is all about having fun. Located directly on the Atlantic City boardwalk, the hotel is home to Jimmy Buffet’s Margaritaville entertainment complex including Atlantic City’s only year-round beach bar. Choose from our casino resorts in Atlantic City. It may come as no surprise that one of Atlantic City’s greatest draws is its casinos. Atlantic City gaming action comes in virtually every variety. Take a seat at a high-stakes poker table or play the penny slots if that's your thing -- there's something fun for everyone in our casinos. 9. Resorts Casino Hotel . Atlantic City's economic decline, and the mounting struggles its casino industry has faced in recent years are unfortunately clearer at Resorts than anywhere else in town You’re in luck, because you’ll find Resorts Atlantic City Casino, Ocean Resort Casino, and Golden Nugget Atlantic City Casino here, plus much more to see and do. Tourists speak highly of the live music scene, shopping, and local cuisine. You might want to visit top attractions like Hard Rock Casino Atlantic City and Bally’s Atlantic City
Inside Atlantic City's brand-new Ocean Resort Casino Hotel ...
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